Friends with benifits... one of the most convenient, yet complicated titles to ever exist.

in order for this to work out.. both people really need to understand the boundaries.
so for a year and a half i was under this title. and well, as in any situation. when you start
spending a lot of time with one person, feelings start catching. i mean hell, it was a year and a half
it was bound to happen. at first it was convenient, i mean i got to fuck (pardon my language) got to
experience all the perks of the intimate aspects of a relationship, without the emotional aspect, and the
commitment, i felt like i had a pretty good bargain.

then those damn feelings got involved, and i started falling for the damn guy. but i never talked "feelings"
so i never got to actually tell him how i felt. so many times i'd try to force the words out of my lips of "what are we??" how do you feel about 'us'?" where is this leading?" but i pussied out each time

then finally 19 months into the (whatever you want to call it) i finally blurted it out.
i gave him an ultimatum (either we have a title, or im walking away) i could see it kind of hurt him in a way
 then took it back and felt guilty about giving him a choice.

we were on separate sides of the bed after the terms were set.. then he finally held me and said

" i dont want to lose you, i really do care about you, so how about a compromise? we'll be cosidered 'dating' but i'm curious, why do you want a title of being boyfriend/girlfriend so badly?"

... i didn't really expect that questions, and i couldn't even find the answer

when he saw the puzzled look on my face he finally said

"cause it sounds good?"

i replied.. "well, no, i mean yeah it does sound good but thats not the reason.. i mean...."

he interrupted me and said "is it cause you think that im going to be seeing other girls, and messing around with them if we dont have that title?"

i was so pissed because well, that was partly the reason, i finally said

"well, we never really talked about it, so i mean iono ive been so in the dark about how you felt toward me"

"i care about you, i wouldn't do something like that to hurt you, your the only girl ive been sleeping with, spending this much time with, and that im intimate with"

"well i never knew that..."

"titles don't guarentee that infidelity wont occur, i mean theres evidence all around us of even wives and husband pulling infidelities, but you shouldn't be using a titles to define what a person means to you, i care a hell of a lot about you even without you being my gf"

he was right. but after FINALLY telling him how i felt. it was such a huge relief. our communication got better, we started spending more time together.. we're practically living together since ive been staying over at his apartment for 2 weeks straight. and still going.

i guess all in all that was the huge part that was missing between us, we never TOLD each other how we FELT. but it was great to finally know.

im a believer of the philosphy that "actions speak louder than words"
but that can only take you so far.. so many things people DO can be misinterpreted by another.

so that clarification was GREATLY needed.

maybe eventually we'll get that title. but for now, im content with what i have.